Monday, June 14, 2010

They're Baaaaaa. Ck.

They're baaaaaaa. ck.

Not, not the Age Police.

Yup. The goats have returned from 'wherever goats go when they are not hired by the Winery down the street to eat everything in sight.' So, Rubi and I pop down to the visit the goats, who are not particularly amiable, it seems. I spend most of my time avoiding the electric fence and baaaa-ing, in vain, to get their attention while wondering about the goats.

Note: I am wondering things besides where have they been all this time?

I am wondering if all goats are named Billy? and I am wondering if lady goats are more attracted to the bigger-horned edition of the goats and I'm wondering if lady goats have horns also because that horned creature is either a lady with one impressive milk sac or that's a dude with the biggest you-know-whats in the history of the animal kingdom.

Note: I apologize. But seriously.

Everybody who has ever watched Funniest Home Videos knows that goats are mean and ghastly and I have the proof. Besides the aforementioned Funniest Home Videos, of course.

Proof: Remember the Three Billy Goats Gruff? Three goats were crossing a bridge with a nasty troll underneath and the little goat says don't eat me, wait for a bigger one and the next goat says don't eat me wait for a bigger one and then the bigger one shows up and decides it's time to let the troll know who's boss:

Well, come along! I've got two spears,
And I'll poke your eyeballs out at your ears;
I've got besides two curling-stones,
And I'll crush you to bits, body and bones.

That was what the big billy goat said. And then he flew at the troll, and poked his eyes out with his horns, and crushed him to bits, body and bones, and tossed him out into the cascade, and after that he went up to the hillside. There the billy goats got so fat they were scarcely able to walk home again. And if the fat hasn't fallen off them, why, they're still fat; and so,

I guess the moral of this story is:

Respect the Goat.

Heck, yes!

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