Monday, June 7, 2010

My Toilet Seats. Beat the 'Crap' Out of Yours. Oh, I Said It.

I have excellent news ... about my new toilet seats.

New toilet seats, yes.

It appears that after years of use, toilet seats may become less desirable to sit upon, mostly on account of the white finish sort of rubbing off and appearing unseemly.

Note: With complete confidence, I state that my soft, delicate bum could, in no way, provide enough prickle or abrasion to cause such unseemly damage.

So, Hub and I head to the home improvement center to buy new toilet seats. We are pleased to find that toilet seats are widely available in a variety of colors and styles. White or ivory, hard plastic or padded vinyl, wood grain or perhaps, on second thought, that seat is actually real wood because it certainly looks authentic.

Note: Not.

There are beautiful, bright blue seats and adorable, frilly pink seats and breathtaking SpongeBob seats and seats with incredible, hand--embroidered butterflies and flowers .

Note: Not. At. All.

There are even no-slam seats which eerily descend at a snail's pace from the 'up' position to the 'down' position. Wow. An interactive toilet seat.

Note: Freaking. Me. Out.

So we go out on a limb and buy white plasticky ones. But we splurge a bit, yes. We buy the Westport Xcite toilet seat.

Note: Xcite, yes. There is no way that I can make up such an incredible stroke of luck.

I am now enjoying my three new toilet seats. And yes, they are XCITING. Very. And isn't the act of using an Xciting toilet seat really the quiet dream of every Trophy Wife?

Heck, yes!

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