Mortifying. Seriously.

Disclaimer: This post may contain vague references of female body parts which may prove distatsteful if you, the reader, are related to the Trophy Wife, particularly and especially if you are the Trophy Wife's Son.
Reader discretion is therefore, advised.

Note: Son, you know you must read it now. Because you must.

I am in my pilates class. I am using the Thera-Band, an ancient form of either torture or amusement. Depends, I guess, on which side of the band you're on.

So, I am in a position very similar to the lady in the following photo. Study the image below and apply a few mental changes to recreate the moment. My moment.

1. In your mind, adjust the woman's haircolor to blonde. While you are at it, adjust her arms to muscular.

Note: Oh hush.

2. In your mind, have the woman down on her forearms, instead of a full arm extension. This positioning requires her buttocks to be a bit, um, higher in the air due to the trajectory of her body.

3. Finally, and most embarrassedly, please change the positioning of the thera-band and imagine it, however briefly, as being between the legs, not beside the legs.

Note: Son, I warned you.

You may now stop imagining and picturing. No one needs to imagine the band slipping off my foot.

No one.

How mortifying.