Friday, January 22, 2010

Sedimentary, My Dear Watson


Disclaimer: The following story is true. However, the names, dates and/or species involved in the incident may have been altered to protect the privacy of the people or species involved. In the incident. Or maybe not.

Note: Drat. I am confusing myself.

So, I am concerned when I hear that a neighbor's grandmother or child or dog--yes, the dog--has been injured in a skiing accident or by chasing cars or, perhaps, trying to ride a motorcycle.

Note: On Funniest Home Videos, many aging grandmothers are injured on out-of-control motorcycles. It is hilarious to see old people riding around on out-of-control motorcycles before careening into a fence or something. Hilarious.

So, as a good neighbor or friend or acquaintance, I decide to visit the ailing child, pet or motorcycle rider and stop by with a card and a small gift. The small gift is intended to help the injured being find a quiet way to pass the time and allow healing to occur in the injured area.

Note: The only gift bag in my garage has pastel stripes and the word "Congratulations" across the top. It will have to do.

A parent, guardian or spouse answers the door upon my arrival. I am standing on the front step with my "Congratulations" gift bag. I explain my good intentions and offer the token.

The parent, guardian or spouse appreciates my thoughtfulness. Thank you. That is very thoughtful.

Note: Here comes my favorite part.

The guardian, spouse or parent adds, As you know, Grandma/Rover/Offspring is very active. Your gift will help him/her be sedimentary.

Note: Sedimentary? Is Grandma starting to fossilize into the rocky material of the earth itself? Right before my very eyes?

Heck, yes!

1 comment:

Lindsey said...

I stumbled upon your site one day by accident (while looking for a pattern to knit a poop-themed dishcloth, I found the blog you did on having to poop on toilet paper in the toilet bowl for testing) and have been an avid reader ever since. I use the phrase "heck yes" rather frequently. I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your writing. It never fails to make me smile.