Saturday, January 16, 2010

A Tale of One Stupid City

It is the best of times, it is the worst of times . .


It is early summer in our City. The sky is clear, the sun is warm, the salamanders are meandering and the salmon are spawning and all seems well.

But trouble lurks.

"Oh dear!" cries the King of the City. "It is not raining! The reservoirs are emptying! The salamanders are shriveling and the salmon are sluggish! "

So, the King decrees that all residents of the City must conserve water. By thirty freaking percent. Or face fines. Or imprisonment. Or public flogging.

Note: I am not kidding.

But the People of the Land love the salamanders and they love the salmon and they love their money. So the flowers wilt. And the lawns turn brown. And the showers are short and tepid.

"Hurray!" cried the King. "The reservoirs are full! The salamanders are slinking and the salmon are sexing!"

"Hurray!" cry the people. "Our sacrifice has saved the day!"

They begin to dance and make merry.

"P.S.," says the King, "there's one more little teensy thing. Our City did such a fine job of conserving our precious resources that the Great and Mighty Water District needs more money. "

The people stop dancing. The people stop making merry.

"Due to decreased water revenues because of conservation by our City residents, The City will be raising water rates to eliminate the shortfall."

Our King sucks.