Friday, October 9, 2009

A (Very) Small Triumph

Apparently I look bad today.

No, no. It's true. I can handle it. How do I know? Because my Contractor tells me. Not in so many words, but here's the situation:

I must look bad when Mr. Contractor, who wears a back-protection brace at all times which causes his belly to protrude over his pants in a "blurb" and therefore clearly understands fashion, watches me walk down the stairs leading to my driveway with what I believe is a bounce in my step but must appear somewhat hobble-like to Mr. Contractor, and yes, I choose to neglect my makeup this morning because it is in the backseat of the Civ and I do not choose to retrieve it and besides, I am going to Big Lots for crying out loud and wearing makeup at Big Lots is clearly over the top but I have showered and pulled my hair back into what I believe to be an adequate attempt at a "hairdo."

Big Breath. Continue.

So I am bouncing or gimping, depending on one's opinion, and he is looking at me with a definite head cock and concerned eyebrows which are like angry eyebrows but without the anger, and he is stepping closer and closer until he blocks my path and is definitely in my personal space because I can see the sawdust on his safety glasses, which are jauntily perched on his head and he is probably the nicest guy in the world, seriously, so I cannot blow him off and besides, he knows when I shower and eat and what I watch on television and he brings me fresh apples and heirloom tomatoes, so I pause and he says, " Are you okay?" which translated means, "You look like *&!!" and because he has seen me in a bathrobe and swimwear and flannel pants and big slippers he is probably qualified to make the assessment.

This is where regular wives are divided from The Trophy Wives, like the sheep and goats and the egg whites and the yolks.

I say to Mr. Contractor, "I am excellent! Have fun with those beautiful redwood posts you bought with the money I wanted to spend on a new Thermador range. I hope you don't slice any major arteries with that big noisy saw or plummett off the balcony you are replacing!"

Okay, I exaggerate a little. But I did say the 'excellent' part.

But it was still a triumph.

Carry on.


Matthew Gamblin said...

Fantastic. Nothing short of fantastic. If only you had really said it.

Next time, maybe you can use two sentences that you actually think. :)

Amanda P said...

And I'm just saying, if you had just wrapped a big maxi pad around that leaky balcony, you could have bought the thermador and avoided such an experience. Just saying.