I am Pavlov; This is my Dog

Everybody knows about Pavlov and his research with dogs and bell ringing and food and saliva. I am not impressed with his "research" because anyone who has a dog knows that canines spend their lives waiting for cues to salivate. Or wag. Or piddle. Or bark. Or whatever.

However, a new low in Pavlovian Dogisms has occurred in my life. But first, one must understand the Dogisms at play in my household:

Cases in point:

Note: Reader, please use your imagination in these scenarios. I am Pavlov. My Dog is the Dog.

Doorbell ringing: Dog jumps to feet. Dog skids to front door. (Hardwood is slippery). Dog leans head back and barks. Dog greets Feared Intruder. Dog goes back to sleep.

Keys Jingling: Dog jumps to feet. Dog cocks head back and forth. Dog gets in the down/ready position (butt up, eyes wide. Wait. Her eyes are always wide). Dog spins wildly in excitement. Dog realizes Dog is not coming. But Dog runs to cookie closet. Dog gets cookie anyway, so that's good.

Shoes Going On: Dog jumps to feet. Dog cocks head back and forth. Dog gets in the down/ready position (butt up, eyes wide. Wait. Her eyes are always wide). Dog spins wildly in excitement. Dog is coming! Dog races about, trying to find a toy, a cookie anything to take with on her "go"! Dog pants. Dog gets a drink. Dog is overjoyed.

Dog Hears Whipped Cream Being Sprayed: Dog jumps to feet. Dog runs to Pavlov. Dog spins. Dog licks lips. Dog digs the whipped cream.

Now for the sad commentary: I am addicted to nose spray; Fine. I said it. And one day my nose will become one large nasal cavity, the cartilage between the noses (make that nasal cavities maybe?) will disintegrate and I'll have a giant big hole. But at least I won't be congested.

Anyway, I spray my nose and sure enough, a few minutes later, I can breathe, which necessitates the use of a kleenex and the blowing of the nose.

Dog Hears. Dog runs to Pavlov. Dog spins. Dog licks lips. Dog think I'm spraying whipped cream. Dog can't find the spray bottle. Dog wonders what the heck? Dog goes back to sleep.

Dreaming of whipped cream, probably.