Sunday, October 4, 2009

Pinheads and Beetles and Superheroes, Oh My!

It is human nature to try to relieve needless suffering. We teach our children not to repeat our mistakes and thus lead happier lives. Heck, even Erica Cane on All My Children had a dance marathon to raise money for starving children in Africa. During the marathon, contestants still had time for quickies, attacking killers in the women's bathroom and concocting kidnap plots all while never breaking a sweat or smearing their makeup.

(Sidenote: When I was a kid, the starving children were in China. We were required to clean our plates at dinner because they were starving over there. I am not sure how my gluttony helped those kids. But I certainly did my best.)

So it is my own compassionate human nature, wishing for the world to be a better place for my children, that causes me to sound the alarm.

Again. Yes, I am referring to the the Fashion Crime of the Shoulder Pads. The Fashion Industry has referred to this atrocity as "Power Suits" as a means of selling the product to women wishing to project a stronger image. But what if we call it like it is? What if we called it "The Pinhead Effect"? Would women be lining up to look like pinheads?

Warning: This post contains graphic images of The Pinhead Effect. Reader discretion is advised.

After a recent delightful evening with Son and Favorite DIL, I am at Fenton's Creamery, enjoying a salad. (Yeah, I know). It is late, after midnight, and there is a chilly breeze blowing off the San Francisco Bay. So, gallant Hub gives me his jacket. With shoulder pads. Need I say more?

No, but I will say more anyway, of course. Is this what we are looking for, Ladies? Pinheads? And note: I did not feel more powerful. I felt warmer but that's about it.

Perhaps truth in advertising should be taken a step further. Let's have the fashion industry tell us the truth. What about "The Soldier Beetle Effect"? Compare these photos, folks. I look frighteningly like a BEETLE.

What? Do you need more to dissuade you? Then what about the "Superhero Effect"? It sounds a bit more glamorous, but do you really want to look like 'Volton, Defender of the Universe?' (That one was for you, Son).

Fine. I will pull out the big guns. Is it your desire to sport the "Michael Jackson Action Figure Effect"?

I rest my case.

And my shoulder pads.


Matthew Gamblin said...

Voltron! Fender o' da Univese!

I actually have an episode of that on my DVR, if you can believe it.

And yes, the 80's were not high time in fashion.

Amanda P said...

However, you have neglected to mention the terrible case of the "bobbleheads" going on in hollywood. Maybe this is an effort to pin-headatize those poor girls. Case in point of girls who need shoulder pads: