Friday, October 30, 2009

Laboratory Instructions. Wow.

I received instructions from the Laboratory yesterday through the U.S. Postal Service. I feel inclined to share with you, my reader, the type of day I am experiencing. Sometimes it doesn't matter if I am a Trophy Wife or The Pope. Sometimes, yes, things have to be done.

Disclaimer: This information is real. Some of the more technical terms in this post have been altered for the clarity of the reader.

Let us begin.

"1. Unfold and put the large collection tissue paper inside the toilet bowl on top of the water.

2. Have a bowel movement so that the poo-poo fall on top of the collection paper. (Remember: I am not making this up.)

3. Take a sample of your poo-poo. Here's how: Scrape the surface of the poo-poo with the sample probe. Be sure to cover the grooved portion of the sample probe completely with your poo-poo!

4. Insert sample probe into the sample bottle. If some poo-poo has gotten on the outside of the bottle, please wipe it off before mailing. (There's a nasty job: The Lab Collection Mail Opener. "Hey Larry! Another one forget to wipe!")

5. Place poo-poo sample in the bio-hazard bag and mail immediately after collection, within 3 days." (Three days? Really? That's immediate?)

Trick or Treat?


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