Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Just a Few Instructions

Oh happy day!

The mailbox is full. And not just bills. It's a box. It has been sent from the internet, a magical place that, with just a few clicks of the mouse, sends stuff to your mailbox. Stuff from all over the world. Like China. And Cleveland.

Today, a new rechargeable laptop battery pack has arrived! Ace, my teeny, tiny netbook (my computer has a name, yes) has a new lease on life.

And the best part?

The crazy, delightful instructions written by someone in China who, bless his soul, is inadvertently hilarious.

The following is taken from the Rechargeable Laptop Battery Pack Instruction Manual. One must not then confuse these comments as suggestions or merely good ideas. These comments are instructions from someone across the ocean who knows a lot about computing, and apparently, home repair.

•Never hit a hammer on the battery pack. (Apparently, folks from all around the world and all walks of life grab a hammer and force the battery pack into place when it just doesn't quite fit.)

•Never hammer a nail into the battery pack. (What is this strange obsession with hammers and nails? Are contractors around the world abusing teeny, tiny laptops?)

•Never throw the battery pack into fire, as that could cause the battery back to explode. (A little Christmas Eve bonding as the family gathers 'round the fire to roast chestnuts, pop corn, and explode battery packs.)

•Never shock the battery pack. (I guess that mooning Ace is completely out of the question?)



Matthew Gamblin said...

So many warnings. How can you possibly be expected to listen to all of them?

Me, I was planning on nailing the batter to Ace. I thought it would more secure. Then I thought that it would be smart to burn the battery because I heard that increases battery life ... but only after significant shock of seeing an otherwise quite flat bum.

Not right?

Amanda P said...

Note what are ARE allowed to do: Bake, Fry, Play Catch, Staple Gun, and Sledgehammer the battery. Get to work.

Doug said...

You can also drop it from a airplane, hit it with an axe, and wear it as a hat or more accurately a visor. Cool.