Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My Piggly Is Wiggly, Yes It Is.

I am driving The Mighty Civ. I venture through vineyards and green pastures and rice fields and towns with 267 residents and stores that sell Mexican food and bait in the same shop.

Note: Now, that's convenience.

I see cows getting it on and free-range chickens just ranging about the hillside and bugs smashing against my windshield in golf ball sized proportions.

And now the time has come.

I need to pee, yes.

I pull into a local establishment, take care of my business and buy a giant diet coke. I take a sip. The sheer pleasure on my face must be compelling because I hear a voice commenting behind me.

I guess that really hit the spot.

I turn to see Santa in the off-season, before he is re-fattened by The Missus. The gentleman is older and sports a long scraggly gray beard. He wears overalls and although he seems harmless enough, he is standing a wee bit too close to me.

Santa is joined by his buddy, who reminds me of the hometown boy in the movie that ultimately gets the girl because he's attractive enough to begin with, but lacks the finesse of the cool dude who ultimately turns out to be a jerk anyhow, but we already know that because we've seen the premise in a movie about a hundred times.

Hometown Boy speaks. He seems to direct his comment to Santa, but he is looking at me and my version of a Diet Coke commercial, apparently.

Boy, they sure grow 'em cute around here.

I look around. I mean, sure. I'm wearing my BCBG pants and my cheetah shirt and , my eyelashes are 40% longer and fuller but Hometown Boy is decades younger than me.

On cue, he repeats it.

Boy, they sure grow 'em cute around here

And then something strange happens.

I'm not from around these parts, I am saying.

These parts? Are you kidding me? Why don't I just don a pair of cut-offs and head on over to the Piggly Wiggly?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:The Middle of Nowhere

1 comment:

Amanda P said...

Dare I ask...what's a piggly wiggly?