Wednesday, May 25, 2011

If I Have a Choice, Please Allow Birds To Peck Me To Death. Thank You.

So, The Waltons.

For the uninformed and/or the twenty-somethings, which is a bit of a redundancy, yes, The Waltons is a television show produced in the 1970's about a depression era family living in the hills of Virginia. John is the dad and Olivia is the Mom and the children have crazy double-names like John-Boy and Mary-Ellen and Jim-Bob. They walk to church in their bonnets and lace-up boots and go to a schoolhouse which is attacked by crazy birds as a sign of the apocalypse.

Oh, wait. That was in The Birds by Alfred Hitchcock. I get the two confused all the time.

My bad.

Anyway, today's episode of The Waltons is a brilliant piece of work. Olivia (Liv) is showing strange, troubling symptoms which speak of impending doom, the family fears.

And rightfully so.

For example, Liv completely denies complying to sew a dress for her daughter's party. She gets mad at the eight children for making such a racket in their small farmhouse. And then, she refuses to go to church.

Note: I know, I know. And it gets worse.

She completely forgets to put the Sunday dinner in the oven! Imagine those crazy Walton men prowling around the house on empty stomachs.

Then poor Liv suffers from pain in the hands. And terrible, blinding headaches. And sudden changes in temperature. Some might say, a flash of heat.

A hot flash, yes.

Good news, Waltons. Mom is just achieving her Milestone. The Change of Life. Yup. The Menopause.

And based on those symptoms, folks, beware. Sadly, it may not be too many years before The Hub is getting awfully hungry on Sunday evenings.

Sweet Holy Moses!

I think I'd rather be attacked by birds as a Sign of the Apocalypse.

Heck, yes!


Karen said...

Good night Jon-Boy! Loved the let's sing Donny and Marie!

Penny said...

Well I think that we all dodged a bullet(pun intended) when the earth did not collaspe last Saturday. However do insuinate that a family will collaspe when the mother reached the big M is so freakin un politically correct that I could sit down and cry (just like a woman). Anyway that was a fun post and I smiled but to doi more would be too much like a woman in the big"M".

Matthew Gamblin said...

Other symptoms of the meno:


That is all.