Martha Stewart On a Roll. A Crusty Sourdough Roll, Yes.

Martha says the wildest things. And she is never mocked by her staff. Or her guests. Or her polite studio audience.

That's why Martha has me.

Let the mocking commence.

This weekend Martha Stewart went to Manitoba Canada to view the polar bear migration with leading scientists in polar bear migration, apparently.

Martha is showing a close-up photo of a polar bear which, when the ice hardens on the Hudson Bay which is in Canada, I presume, ventures out upon the frozenness to find seals for supper, yes. I took this photo myself, Martha says, beaming, and the bear was exactly, about, oh, maybe two feet from my face.

Note: Exactly? About? Maybe?

Huh.

Martha is now gushing over Curtis Granderson, centerfielder for the New York Yankees, who is pretty darn attractive, yes.

Note: It is possible that I may be gushing also.

Apparently, today is Curtis' first appearance on the show. Martha is sharp as a tack, however and notes to Curtis that I wanted you to be on the show last year but you had an indescribable groin injury.

Note: Oooh! Choose me, choose me! I would like to describe it.

Additional Note: Is it possible for all the color to drain from the face of an African American centerfielder? Oh my.

Ouch.

Martha is now in a fancy pants restaurant in New York, rated with THREE Michelin stars.

Note: I had no idea that a tire company had such an interest in fine dining.

Additional Note: Simmer down. It's a joke. Please don't write letters describing the Michelin ratings system. I know a good tire when I see one.

Martha's dining companions, ordinary folk that she has taken out for a night on the town to enjoy the finer things in life, yes, ask Martha if other diners are always so nonchalant about dining in the same room with Martha Stewart. The great celebrity, yes.

Martha demurs the comment with a sweep of the hand. I'm not so special, she says. It's not like they are sitting in the same room with Paul Newman.

Note: Paul Newman died two years ago, so she makes a valid point. That would really be something.

So. Groin injuries, polar bears which may or may not be exactly and precisely two feet away, maybe, and dining with the dead.

Not a bad day for Martha!

Heck, yes!