Friday, March 12, 2010

Life's Little Instruction Book. Revisited.

I am at Disneyland, which is sponsored by those hunks at Brawny. So, the restrooms have instructions. For handwashing.

Please note:

So, maybe it's just me. But I am a Master-Handwasher, and the recent H1N1-handwashing-hand-sanitizing-excitement has definitely given us slightly obsessive-compulsive-types new life.

Note: I told you so.

But instructions. Really? It reminds me of the lather-rinse-repeat on my shampoo bottle. Does some dude really say, Hey, Honey! Did you know you're supposed to rinse this stuff?

Note: As I have grown slightly older, it has become nearly impossible to read the teeny tiny writing on shampoo bottles anyhow and wearing cheaters in the shower seems inappropriate in so many ways. But after forty years of hairwashing, I think I have it all figured out anyhow.

Note: If the shampoo instructions change in a substantial way at any point in the future, please advise me as there is no freaking way I'll ever know.

But maybe inane instructions are not a totally bad idea.

For example, it might be nice to have a sign posted on the freeway onramp: Your attention please. Your vehicle is now merging. Please press your gas pedal NOW. Thank you.

Or: Thank you for using our public restroom. Please do not sigh with relief when you release your urine stream. Have a nice day!

Or at the Gym: Please be informed that you are not as hot as you think you are so please focus on something besides your reflection in the mirror. But I'm sure your Mama loves you anyhow. Enjoy your workout!

Just thinking.

1 comment:

Amanda P said...

Or, at the McDonald's Drive Thru: I know the double cheeseburger sounds tempting, but look your thighs...that's what I thought.