Thursday, March 18, 2010

To Infinity. And Beyond.

I need to shave my cat.

Buzz is old now. He's a sweet old man. But he has gingivitis and arthritis and probably more-itis' that are not evident to the naked eye. I think he's close to sixteen which in cat years, according to a reliable source, i.e. the Internet, is the equivalent of 78 human years. Give or take.

But it's pretty random to compare a human the age of my father-in-law (FIL) to my cat because although the FIL probably has gingivitis and arthritis and maybe some other itis', I have no intention of engaging in the process of shaving him. Ever.

Note: I need a new visual. Quick!

Because Buzzy is old and has gingivitis and arthritis and other -itis', he doesn't groom himself so well anymore. In the Winter, Buzz bulks up his Himalayan coat as if he actually lives in the Himalayas, which he does not.

Note: For the geographically impaired and you know who you are, the Himalayas are NOT in Germany.

So when the Springtime comes and he sheds, Buzzy turns into a mess.

Hence, the shave.

So, I need information. About shaving a cat. So, of course I turn to the Internet. I am a little concerned about what I am learning. About cat-shaving and the inherent dangers involved.

First, to the cat:
*Do not taunt or provoke the cat in any way.
Note: I am shaving him. Is that not provocation enough?
*Avoid your cat's face and neck. You could kill your cat if you accidentally cut your cat's neck.
Note: What? Cut his neck? Is a tourniquet appropriate in this situation?

Or to the Shaver:

*Have someone help you secure your pet. It is a dangerous process if the animal is flailing as you try to shave its fur.

*Use an electric razor and begin to shear the cat. Shear only the pieces that must be sheared, and shear them only near the edges. If you are lucky the fur that is tangled will peel off your pet like carpet once you start to trim at it.

Note: If you are lucky? Carpet peeling? Really?

*Put on protective gloves. Without this, you will be unarmed against the furry, unshaved creature (who probably will not be looking forward to the shaving process).

I am looking forward to this process less than Buzzy.

Run, Buzz, run! To infinity and beyond!

1 comment:

Amanda P said...

He sure is a pretty cat, though. And, I know this may be baffling...but there are people out there you can PAY to groom your cat. Seriously. They already have the gloves.