High. Self-esteem. And Cured Meats.

I hear Paula Deen's voice. She is calling me.

Note: No, I do not often hear voices. At least, so far as I know.

Paula is on the television, phew. She is urging y'all to buy a Smithfield Ham. It's tasty and succulent. She is holding up the ham as if the ham were a gameshow prize. It's in a bright blue package and her picture is on the ham.

Oh my.

How much money does it take to be the face of a hamshank?

Paula is not the only celebrity with high self-esteem.

The face of dog food is several steps higher than the face of ham, yes. But really. A home chef's face does not belong on my dog's food.

Note: The relationship between Rachael and the dog, as captured on film, is slightly unsettling.

But the face of Viagra? Really?

Bob Dole is a fellow with a high self-esteem, pun intended.