So, Dancing with the Stars.

They laughed. They cried. They goosed Tom Bergeron.

Note: What is the goosing all about, anyhow?

Dancing with the Stars is back!

Because there are bloggers all over the globe, perhaps even qualified bloggers who will review the spectacle that is Dancing With the Stars, I have taken upon myself the responsibility and perhaps even the duty of reporting the spectacle, yes, through the eyes of The Trophy Wife.

Let us begin.

Chelsie, The Bachelor's pro, while meeting Bachelor Jake for the first time and supposedly discussing her own small stature says: Sometimes the best things come in small packages.

Note: I'm thinking it's a little rude to discuss Jake's package on national television ...

The judges to Kate Gosselin who is barely recognizable these days:

You made a lot of little people proud tonight.

Note: I realize that TLC has about a million shows profiling little people such as The Little Couple and Little People, Big World and the Little Chocolatiers. But still. Oh, her little people.

Note: Gotcha.

Note: I'll bet the Duggars' little people are also proud.

Chad Ochocinco. Chad, are you kidding me? You swap a nice, normal last name like Johnson for Ochocinco, a reference to your football jersey number? Chad, don't you realize that poor little Bachelor Jake would love a big, manly, descriptive last name like Johnson? And Dude, as long as you're being egotistical, how about being interesting? Spanish is easy. How about German? Chad Acht-Funf. That's way more intimidating on the football field, Dude. Or Mandarin? Chad Ba-Wu.

Note: Okay, maybe stay away from Mandarin.

Note: He looked pretty yummy on the dance floor. I have to admit.

Judge Len who turned to Cantankerous Len midway through the program to Aiden Turner (if

you don't click here you're crazy), soap star and one of the more gorgeous men on the planet: Your dance was filled with things I don't like. You were standing there just shaking your wobbly bits.

Note: Wobbly Bits? Isn't that a breakfast cereal? Wobbly Bits with raisins?

And speaking of wobbling, Niecy Nash talked a lot about her jiggly parts. And how she embraces her jiggly parts. And how she is proud of her jiggly parts.

As for me, I prefer Aiden's Wobbly Bits to Niecy's Jiggly Parts anyday.

Dancing with the Stars is back!

Heck, yes!