The. Happiest. Place. On. Earth.

I am packing for Disneyland, the Happiest Place on Earth, because Hub is turning fifty and doggone it, he may as well be happy about it. So we are headed to the Happiest Place on Earth. And these are the Top Ten reasons that make it so:

1. There are Pirates. Real pirates with real eye-patches and real swash-buckles. And the pirates flirt with the ladies. And I am a lady, yes.

2. Music plays everywhere you go! But it's happy music about beauties and beasts and real boys and nobody stares at me too funny when I find myself turning my motor on and swiveling my hips, except Hub who is now walking two steps ahead of me. Hey, wait up!

3. A parade can break out at any moment and if I time if right, I can tag myself on to the end of the line and be part of the parade, an integral part even, until the security people wave flashlights at me and say Get out the street lady and whatnot.

4. There are well-dressed attractive young people walking around with brooms and those fancy little handled-things that scoop up the garbage immediately so there is no litter anywhere because if there was litter, it couldn't be Disneyland.

5. There are flowers and shrubbery grown in remarkable shapes like mouse ears and flying elephants that actually come to life at night when no one is looking, maybe.

6. There is a brave Dad who, because he can't say no to his adorable four year-old ends up in one of those awful spinning teacups and he's clenching the bar and his face is green and the kid is having the time of her life.

7. Making out with Hub during the "It's a Small World" boat ride in front of those creepy animatronic people singing over and over and over and over about the size of our planet while watching us kiss with those big, wide, creepy, staring eyes. Ooh, shivers.

8. Getting a driver's license at Autopia and "accidentally" showing it to the cashier at JCPenney instead of my real Driver's License, oops.

9. Trying to imitate the yodeling while waiting for the Bobsled ride to begin and telling the next people in line that I'm 50% Swiss, can you tell by my fine yodeling?

10. Did I mention the Pirates?

Heigh-Ho!