Do You Hear What I Hear?

I fear that my cataract is growing. Rapidly. No, it didn't spread to the other eye. I believe that my cataract outgrew the relative confines of my eye and has spread to my ear. Yes, my ear. How else to explain the most strange things that I am hearing lately?

It must be the cataract.

For example, I heard on the Rachael Ray show that, in a nod to the 80's, shoulder pads are back. Shoulder pads. I obligingly wore those wretched things 25 years ago and I am done looking like a linebacker. I even think I heard the fashion guru say that shoulder pads will add curves to my straight figure. Well, maybe, if I stuff them with kleenex and stick them on my chest, if you know what I mean.

It must be the cataract.

I was in stall number two in Target on Friday night when I overheard a strange conversation. First of all, bathroom stall-to-stall chatting is kind of freaky, unless it's Daughter and I, in which case it's usually hilarious. But this is the conversation I SWEAR I heard unless, of course, it was the cataract.

Girl: You know how when you drink like, a lot, and like, you hold your pee and like, as long as you hold it you don't get drunk?

Other Girl: Uh, yeah.

Girl: And you know, like, how weird it is when you like, can't hold it anymore and as soon as you pee, it's like you're totally drunk and like, acting all crazy?

Other Girl: Uh, yeah.

Girl: Don't you hate that?

Other Girl: We gotta hold it longer next time.

Seriously, it must be the cataract.

Either that, or the world has really gone to pot. The pot.