Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The. Thrilling. Conclusion. Yes.

Note: This is Part Three of the Trophy Wife Trilogy. If you have not read the first two installments, please scroll down. It's worth it. I'm telling you.

Dianne stares at the WOD, the Worldwide Ogre of Discouragement, a mass of tangled wires and keyboards and monitors and mice and mouses and mooses, even, standing ominously in a wasteland of tangled wires and keyboards and monitors and mice and mouses and mooses.

Welcome to the Worldwide Web, he says and laughs a giant laugh, his belly jiggling like a bowl full of jello. Sugar-free, yes.

Then Dianne notices that under the crook of his great arm, the WOD holds a goose, who begins to flap and squawk in an effort to pull herself out of the crook and the wires and the mooses, but to no avail.

Dianne and the Goose are both trapped. Prisoners, yes, of the Worldwide Web.

Note: Oops. The Goose is not trapped, apparently. She is simply in the middle of laying a large goose egg.

The Great WOD laughs. I see you've met my Golden Goose, he says, who lays the goose eggs.

Dianne shakes her head, her $200 golden hair billows, sort of. She thinks she'd remember meeting a golden goose.

The WOD is gleeful. The Goose has been laying big goose eggs in your blog's comment box for weeks now. Big, fat zeroes!

The WOD looks at her, square in the eye. No one cares about your blog or your silly little mission. The Goose eggs prove it. And right on cue, an egg drops to the floor, rolling to a crazy stop in front of Dianne.

Dianne reaches for the goose egg and deftly fashions a sling from her scarf. She swings the egg-sling round and round over her head and the great WOD laughs. She lets it go and the goose egg sails through the air and with a resounding smack, a smack so loud that it is heard throughout the worldwide web, the Goose Egg lands squarely on the Giant's forehead and the great WOD falls to the ground, amid a giant cloud of dust.

Dianne grabs the Goose and begins to run. The Goose squawks, Aflac, Aflac.

Note: Wait, that is not right.

The Goose squawks, Google, Google.

And then it is clear to Dianne. The great WOD cannot discourage her. Yes, her blog lays Giant Goose eggs in the comment section. But then our Trophy Wife heroine remembers her Google Analytics, which assure her that the blog is reaching a thousand potential Trophy Wives every month in 38 countries and 32 states, around the world, yes.

She will not be deterred from her mission.

All those Goose Eggs will not stop her from babbling and blogging about nothing in particular. Oh no.

Note: But a comment now and again from the 'stalk'ers, and they know who they are, wouldn't hurt.

Dianne and that darn BeinStalk.

Heck, yes!


Amanda P said...

hahaha. Good thing Google will analyze for you. :D

Matthew Gamblin said...


That was deep. I think.

It's hard to get those anonymous sources to say stuff ... but they are reading, and that's a victory in itself.

Anonymous said...

I am reading! I have at least 2 friends reading :)
I loved the story :) you are an amazing writer!

Roger and Jackie Harris said...

Jackie was here, check the date/time stamp.

The Hays Family said...

Oh my dear Sister Gamblin. So many years ago in Young Women's you began to teach us all to be Trophy Wives. And now grown up- or at least a legal adult- with 3 children of my own, I now look to your blog for the same guidance I did long ago. Yes, we're still reading, still listening, still learning- even when we're not commenting ;-)

SAM said...

My question is, why haven't I known about this blog before! Seriously, you made my day twice--once at pilates, and now reading this! The picture of you and Doug is beautiful.