Stay. Out of my Porridge.

Someone's been sitting in my chair.

Something is amiss. My bum is plopped into the driver's seat of my aging SUV. The car is unusually messy.

Note: Perhaps a more appropriate description of the vehicle is that it is messier than usual. My car has a tendency to be somewhat messy, with the pilates balls and outdoor speakers and about 8000 empty soda cans and tupperware containers and water bottles and junk, yes.

On this day, the car is actually spiffier than usual, except for the messy part. The back is empty of its usual pilates gear. But I note that the seats and floor are littered with lots of odd objects, such as shredded kleenex, a used bandaid, empty easter eggs, receipts, car manuals and wires and adapters for the in-deck casssette player, yes.

Note: Yes, in-deck cassette player. I told you that the SUV is aging.

With a bit of a shiver, I admit, I then realize that the glove box is open; the ashtray is open; the center console is open. And the contents are thrown around inside my vehicle.

Someone's been sitting in my chair.

Ooh, there's that nasty shiver again.

Then I notice a couple of things that seem almost amusing. Thrown in the back if the SUV is a baggie of cell phones, ancient ones, that are going into the recycling box at church. The would-be-thieves weren't too impressed with those, apparently. And with greater amusement, I realize that all of the Easter eggs from the center console are open, with no remnants of the candy. Which has been inside the eggs and sitting in my center console since 2008.

Yum.

But wait. My sunglasses are still on the dashboard.

What the heck?

Goldilocks didn't think my sunglasses are worth stealing?

Goldilocks had been watch her thieving, trespassing, candy-eating, sunglass-rejecting back. I've got three Bears that hold a darn mean grudge.

Note: Yes, you heard me. Darn mean.

And some night, Goldilocks, when you're sleeping, you are going to so regret messing with me and my SUV.

Sleep tight.

Heck, yes!