Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Tyra Banks: A Great American Hero

First, a disclaimer: I'm kidding. Tyra is really not my idea of a great American hero. But I'm not dissing on her either. Not particularly. This piece of writing is considered satire, by those in the know. Which now includes you if you were having any serious questions about my sanity.

Second, Tyra is NOT a trophy wife, which probably explains a lot of things. Wikipedia, when discussing her personal life says only that "She devoted an entire show to the subject of 'Professional Athletes and the Women Who Love Them' on her talk show in November 2006." I am at a loss. I do not comprehend that explanation, but it appears she is not a wife. Hence, since she is NOT a trophy wife, perhaps she could learn a little from one. Like me.

So here goes, Tyra:

On a nationally televised talk show with a host (not to be named) who is famous for producing 30-minute meals and eating an awful lot of pasta (just an observation), Tyra was billed as having the "the best portion control diet tip ever." Or something like that. (Sure, I put it in quotes, but let's call them paraphrased quotes). She advises going to the yogurt place (which is hip again, according to Tyra, although those of us who loved it in the 80's never un-hipped the idea!) and asking for a sample on that little teeny tiny spoon. Then eat it. And leave.

Huh? Tyra may be surprised how much yogurt could be piled on that little teeny tiny spoon. Or how many times you could dip that little teeny tiny spoon into a big ole' jug of the stuff. My advice to all of you: Have a small serving. Enjoy it. (I said small. Let's not go crazy here.)

Tyra also told us the mortifying story of her high school prom when she was not (gasp!) selected as prom queen. As her name-was-not-being-called, she actually stepped forward and THANK GOODNESS her date had the good sense to stop her. (Whew! That would have been humiliating). But the good news is that she feels she really grew from that horrible experience, and without it, she probably would have ended up a big-headed b*$%# (her word, not mine) instead of the down to earth gal she is today.

Huh?

My prom was at the fairgrounds and I went in a borrowed dress from a lady at church who liked to eat the knuckles off the chicken bones.

I win.

But it's why I'm the down to earth gal I am today. Waaaay down to earth!

1 comment:

Amanda said...

I'm not sure what chicken-bone-knuckle-chewing had to do with any of that - but it sounds like another bit of awsome portion control advice.
I bought my prom dress on e-bay. For all I know, the previous owner liked to eat the entire chicken bone. Good thing I have a role model like Tyra to keep me grounded.