Monday, October 25, 2010

Wascally Wubber Wooks Wealistic!

I own a rubber chicken!

Note: Most excellent. I can now check #436 off my bucket list!

I own 'The World Famous Original Realistic Rubber Chicken," made in China. But it has come to my attention, however brief that attention span may be, that maybe chickens look different in China.

When I think of chickens, American chickens, yes, I think of big, plump, juicy, hormone-laden, saline-injected birds with large breasts, yes, and thick legs, heck yes. I do not visualize my Original Realistic Rubber Chicken, which is either on meth, apparently, or has been shot out of a cannon, recently, and is traveling at some warp speed.

I also doubt that many other folks would find my Original Realistic Rubber Chicken to look realistic. Realistic maybe, if you're Mr. Magoo, the tragically-nearsighted gentleman of the 70's cartoon that finds him driving off cliffs with his dog, McBarker, or answering the banana when the phone rings. And it is likely that Elmer Fudd, the tragically speech-impeded gentleman of Looney Tunes fame wouldn't really care if that 'wascally wubber chicken' wooks wealistic or not because as he is a hunter, his job is to hunt.

Note: Really? Mocking the visually-impaired and those with speech-impediments was ever really acceptable in our world?

Yet, my Original Realistic Rubber Chicken is very cool. I look into his (freakishly) gaping mouth and I see all the way to his scrotum area, yes, and if I peer to the side a little, I see his feet. Extended in cannon-induced flight.

I believe that my Original Realistic Rubber Chicken may become a regular component of my musings.

Note: Maybe you'd better get yourself one.

I'm just saying.

Heck, yes!


Matthew Gamblin said...

I have seen the chicken, and can report ...

He is skinny. And shot out of a cannon.

And awesome.

Note: I had to type copipate. Like a mixture between copulate and twitterpate in order to post this.

Lindsay said...

Maybe it's the rubber material that is realistic and not the chicken?