Thursday, March 24, 2011

Of Course My Diet is Restricted. I Am Presbyterian! Oh, Wait. No, I'm Not.

Occasionally, I hear something that I do not expect. It is surprising. Or it is hilarious. Or perhaps it is both, yes. And occasionally I hear things that aren't even actually said, such as:

Rachael Ray is discussing the difficulty of cooking for friends with assorted eating restrictions. She is displaying a pot of something with pasta, of course, and saying, Here is the dish that satisfies both the Vegetarians and Presbyterians at your dinner table. I am not aware of the eating requirements of The Presbyterians until I realize that Rachael is referring to Pescatarians, which are a different denomination completely, yes.

But I do hear actual real things, not imagined, that are pretty delightsome as well.

True Story: I am talking to The Dot on the phone. The Dot lives in Fargo, which is very very far away and at times, it is difficult to hear her clearly on account I don't know why, come to think of it.

But we are chatting and the background noises are brutal. I am wondering if The Dot is surrounded by Wolves or surrounded by Vampires or surrounded by Wolves surrounded by Vampires or if The Dot is scraping her fingernails on a chalkboard or listening to a kindergarten kazoo band or screeching to a halt in her new car over and over again. So, I ask The Dot about the horrendous, annoying, unbearable noise.

I'm in Wal-Mart and you are hearing the music, she says. It's Celine Dion.

I snort. With delight. Fantastic!

Note: Not a fan, clearly.

True Story: I am visiting my friend, whom I shall call Slim, on account of the fact that she is. Slim. We are admiring Slim's Baby and musing about the eventual eye color of said offspring. So naturally I look at her eyes and she gazes into mine, examining the color of course, and Slim mentions that my eyelashes really are longer and really are thicker and I'm saying I know! I know! and then Slim says:

I think you need to trim the ones on the edge.

Trim my eyelashes? Because they are too long?

I am now living my finest moment.

Heck, yes!


Amanda P said...

That was pretty hilarious. It's even more hilarious if I add two facts:

1) I was not in walmart. I was on the car rental shuttle from the airport.

2) While on that same car rental shuttle, I asked you about how you would display a sign telling someone not to eat on the bus. You said a soda (with straw) and burger with a line through it (the bus had a soda and hot dog). Please see the image on your post.

Brookel said...

:) i almost feel famous or something, snap into it!