Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I Wonder if Mrs. O'Leary Was Ample-Bosomed.

So, the Bachelor.

The dates keep getting grander, the drama keeps getting deeper, and the breasts keep getting larger.

Oh, Bachelor. How I have missed you.

On last night's episode, Ashley and Brad recorded a totally unrecognizable version of Seal's Kiss From a Rose and then were serenaded by Seal in the flesh while Ashley wept and touched Brad's heart with the tragic story of her dad's sudden death and how this song was their favorite and it's like he was here with them. Singing in the studio.

Note: If he were actually there, he too has a lousy singing voice.

Additional Note: Simmer down. I'm just saying.

And Madison, the Vampire-Teeth girl wept and took out her fangs and the ample-bosomed Chantal wept as she recounted her Dad's death before she could forgive him for whatever he did, I forget.

But my favorite part was the date in the wine country when Emily wept and recounted her tragic story of her fiance dying in a plane crash and then the next day she finds out she is pregnant with his child and now she wants to find love again and did I mention she's adorable? Emily, not the child.

But wait, that wasn't my very favorite part. The best part was when Brad and Emily walked from the vineyard into the barn which had been magically transformed for their private dinner date and was aglow with lantern and candlelight.

Yes, that is correct.

Lanterns and candles in a barn filled with straw.

What is going on here? Have none of the producers of this fine program ever heard what happened when Mrs. O'Leary left the lantern in the shed?

Note: Yes, the cow kicked it over and winked her eye and said, There'll be a hot time in the old town tonight.

Fire! Fire! Fire!

Sweet Holy Moses.

1 comment:

Lindsay said...

As I drove through Santa Maria this past week I thought of Emily and Brad and the barn that is hopefully still standing. And, I thought of you as I saw the very few vineyards in that so called "wine country."