I Have Germs. And I Am Not Afraid To Use Them.

I am entering another OPEN House and I see it. Again, yes. I feel my hackles begin to rise. And one thing you don't want to see is a Trophy Wife with raised hackles.

Note: Don't press the issue, folks. Just take my word for it.

There is a sign just inside the front door of the OPEN House. An incredibly annoying sign that says 'Please Remove Shoes'. And I am continually amazed by the complacency of the Open House Population as a whole that immediately peels off its collective shoes and tiptoes around the OPEN House as if it is the Museum of Natural Fibers or something.

I mean, really. If the owners of the OPEN House do not wish for people to walk around and look at the home then why in the heck is there a big sign out front inviting the whole neighborhood to come on in?

You are going to take off your boots? she says, but she doesn't really use the question mark.

The Young Real Estate Agent watches me as I consider my options. She is fit, but I think I could take her.

The Hub mutters under his breath something like Here we go again and makes a beeline for the kitchen in his complacent, stockinged feet.

Note: He is a patient man, The Hub.

The Young and Fit Agent waits. You about ready to take off those boots? she says, eyebrows in the raised and hackled position.

Oh dear. I feel my hackles again.

My home is also on the market I am saying and it is OPEN today, too. I would never dream of asking guests to take off their shoes. It's a floor, for Pete's sake. People walk on them all the time.

Note: I may not have said the Pete's Sake part. But next time I will.

The Young and Fit and Hackled Agent explains that it's not really about getting the floors dirty. The Homeowners are concerned about germs getting tracked through the house.

Germs? I am thinking. Has she smelled the Hub's socks lately?

I pull off my boots to reveal my bare feet. I smile a little.

Germs, really? I say to the Young and Fit Agent as I head up the stairs. I will try not to stand in the shower.

Heck, yes!


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