Monday, September 27, 2010

Don't Drink. Don't Smoke. What Do You Do?

Good question, Adam Ant. Good question.

There's a lot of stuff I don't do. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't drive fast, particularly. I don't eat crappy fast food loaded with fat and sodium, and I don't swear, because that's what people with lousy vocabularies do.

I don't scuba dive, because everyone knows that your lungs can explode due to the water pressure and all. I don't stand close to precipices and I certainly don't pretend to throw people over precipices because that's not nice at all. And I certainly don't litter, eat undercooked meat (salmonella is real, my friends) or throw innocent babies up into the air and then catch them under their armpits.

I don't engage in recreational sex. Oh, wait, yes I do, but the recreation part is with the Hub of 28 years. So, that's entirely appropriate.

Note: I apologize for not warning my more genteel readers about the potentially devastating information previously disclosed. But seriously, we're all adults here. Sort of.

So, Adam Ant wants to know. What do I do?

Oh, I'm edgy alright.

For example, I eat whipped cream straight from the bottle, yes. Oh and sometimes I have Diet Coke for breakfast. And it you're not already reeling from this news, prepare yourselves, because, on occasion, I have even mowed my lawn on a spare-the-air day.


Global warming? Probably my fault!

Heck, no!


Lindsay said...

Sometimes I swear, just cause it feels good. And the only thing better than Diet Coke for breakfast is cake for breakfast.

The Hays Family said...

Caffeine Free Diet Coke (Caffeine gives me migraines) and Chocolate Oat Fiber One bars is my favorite breakfast pair EVER.

Penny said...

Oh I loved that post! Sometimes I wonder what I do and i realize not much of anything very fun. I do love diet coke for lunch and look forward to it and therefore do not look forward to Sunday cause its hard to get when I am in Church around noon. Wouldn't it be great if we slipped a can out between RS and SS?

Roger and Jackie Harris said...

LOL, again I am laughing out loud. Boy, it does feel good. Here again I realize we have more in common. The funny thing about the whipped cream, if you have one pumpkin pie you need to buy three cans of whipped cream. You got it, only one is for the topping of said pumpkin pie. The other two cans are for direct consumption hiding behind the refrigerator door. I do still have kids at home, we don't want them picking up any bad habits. TTFN