Not By the Hair of My Chinny Chin Chin. Please.

So, let's play a game. 


Let's say that I am lost. Or you are lost. Or your Dear Husband slash Significant Other slash Grandmother is lost. 


Note: Okay, let's eliminate the possibility of losing Grandma. Not cool. 
Let's just say that I am lost.

The other day I am walking The Dog and she is stopping to pee at a telephone poll, because every other dog in the neighborhood has done so, apparently. She's sniffing and peeing and I see that someone has posted a Lost Pet sign. On the telephone pole, yes.


Oh dear! A lost pet! 


The sign has a big photo of a missing cat with a short description of the animal. 

A Big, Swinging Belly? Really?

Note: Do her boobs hang low, do they wobble to and fro? 


A Big, Swinging Belly? Really? This creature's defining characteristic is her Big, Swinging Belly? 


So, it got me to thinking, which is always a little dangerous. Hence, the game. 


Let's say that you are out walking your dog and on the telephone pole is a picture of me. Because I am lost, apparently. How does the sign describe me? What is my defining trait to the eye of a Local Search and Rescue Team. 


Lost! The sign may read, Friendly, with Slightly Saggy Jowls. 


Or Lost! The sign may read, Pleasant, with Unfortunate Chin Hair.


Or Lost! The sign may read, Outgoing, but Needs a Boob Job. 


Sweet Holy Moses. 


This is a dumb game.