Seeing Double

Sometimes I see the strangest things. I'm not talking about ghosts or UFOs or drug-induced hallucinations, although those inclined to seeing ghosts and UFOs or taking hallucinogenic drugs may claim to see some mighty strange things.

I'm also not talking about the cows playing "leapfrog" in the pasture (although that's a strangely upsetting sight) or even the 4H girls walking their goats on leashes in my neighborhood (and leaving goat dooty on my doorstep--are you kidding me?)

I'm talking about my wacky cataract-inclined aging eyeballs.

Four years ago I had my cataract removed and now sport a bionic lens replacement (we owe a lot to Steve Austin aka The Six Million Dollar Man, which by the way is a darn good deal by today's monetary standards). Unfortunately, over time the lens has become cloudy again, requiring additional laser procedures when I get around to it. In the meantime, I don't quite see the world with pinpoint accuracy.

The downside? I can't see too well and often I misread street signs and grocery store aisle markers.

The upside: I can't see too well and often I misread street signs and grocery store aisle markers. And sometimes the results please me.

Case in point: Yesterday I was at Lucky's Supermarket in the frozen food section. I had made peach cobbler (a wonderful recipe by Martha and I actually followed most of the instructions). So I wanted some vanilla ice cream. To melt and ooze on the warm crust and drip into the cinnamony peaches.

I was reviewing my ice cream options. So many choices! Lucerne, Clover, Dreyer's, Breyer's, Haagen Dazs, Ben & Jerry's. I couldn't decide, so I glanced through all of them again and found a brand I hadn't seen earlier:

Breyer's Natural Vanilla Bean Double Chin Ice Cream.

Double Chin ice cream? Fantastic!



What is this, I wondered. Is it some sort of "truth in advertising" ploy or some new strange requirement by the Obama Administration? Sadly, of course, when I closed my crazy left eye, I realized it was Breyer's Double Churn ice cream.

But what a concept: Let's just say it like it is. Let's call 'em as we see 'em.

Double CHIN ice cream; Cinna-BUM rolls (all 730 calories go right to the butt) and even the truth about Little Debbie and all those snack cakes. Little Debbie?

Doubtful. But I just call 'em as I see 'em.